Thursday, September 20, 2012

Birth Plans

As my due date is quickly approaching I decided it was time to create my birth plan. I assumed that this would be a fun and exciting adventure, but let me tell you it was the complete opposite. I'm not entirely sure what expecting parents are doing these days, but some of the options are absolutely out there.

I use an App called Baby Bump and it's actually quite an amazing app for expecting mothers. 

It gives you updates every week of your pregnancy to let you know how much your baby has grown, what the average size is, and what is developing now. It also gives health tips every day to help you be more aware of what's going on with your new pregnant body. 

The app also has a journal where you can jot down what you're cravings are what makes you sick so on so forth. It has a kick counter so you can keep track of the babies kicks in the later months. It has a whole slew of baby names to help you pick out the perfect name, and also has a birth plan where you can choose exactly what you want to happen in the delivery room and either print out or email to your doctor. 

Be wary when looking through the birth plan section I was in complete shock when going through it. It starts off simple enough asking who you would like in the room with you when you deliver. Then it goes to the monitoring section asking whether you want continuous fetal monitoring or not, asks about whether you want photos taken during labor and birth "ummm no actually if you could ban cameras from the hospital during that time it'd be great". It goes on to ask about pain relief (whether or not you want an epidural), then circumcision. Then it gets real good and completely horrifying, there is an entire section called tearing and episiotomy if you do not know what this is I highly recommend you never try and look it up, because you will never want to have kids. One of my favorite things on this part of the checklist is it asks whether or not I wanted to deliver on all fours. "Do I want to deliver on all fours??....Do people deliver on all fours?" The idea of this just gave me a slight chuckle. 

It's a very long list that goes on for ever asking about labor, c-section, Induction, and Delivery. It also has a section called Delivery aids such as a stool, chair, squatting bar, birthing tub, labor ball, and bean bag chair. I am so tempted to ask my doctor how one would use some of these things. The tub I get the bean bag chair and squatting bar not so much. However, then I go to the next section and it solves one of those riddles by asking if I would like to try a squatting position. "Oooooh.....oh...oh wow, well no I would like none of that, but thank you"

It finishes with asking about cutting the umbilical cord; whether or not I want my partner to cut, whether or not I want to wait until it stops pulsing. That's great and all, but the thought of a pulsating umbilical cord is not pleasant. "Yes I guess I would like to donate the cord blood if possible considering storing it for yourself is over $2,000 and what new family has an extra $2,000 we sure don't!"

Needless to say I was in complete shock with all the options I had. I assumed it would be basic questions like whether or not I want an epidural not a ten page checklist. I am very glad I read through it though because I might have been a little horrified if my doctor suggested one of these things while in the delivery room.

And for those expecting mothers or soon to be expecting mothers don't let this horrify you. Just be very aware that when you're in the delivery room it's not going to be some magical moment where glitter falls from the ceiling and angels start to sing. Though that would be quite awesome if that happened, I might just see if I can arrange that.

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